I hate V-day

Valentines day that is. Yes that's right I hate Valentines day. The cute couples, the gift giving, the candy, the hearts, the flowers. In my opinion it is the single most sadistic day on the American calender, and here it comes around once again. What are my plans on the dreadful day, same as every other day. Get up, get my daughter off to school, pass the hours in dreadful boredom, welcome my daughter home, help her with her homework, welcome my husband home, fix a simple dinner, watch some tv or play some video games, and go to bed.

Any of you out there, what is your opinion of V-day and how do you plan to spend it this year?

A shoulder to lean on

I'm always a good shoulder to lean on, always there to comfort and consult. What about me though, who do I get to lean on, who will comfort or console me? When is it my turn to not always be okay? When is it okay for me to just be cranky, or feel bitchy, or just feel like I need to cry. Why when I am not the model of emotional fortitude do I get accused of being selfish, and if occasionally I really am selfish, so what? Am I not as human as everyone else? I don't know all the answers! My life is not always perfect, I don't always feel okay! I'm tortured constantly by massive anxiety attacks, they don't have one trigger source, they're there all the time; no one ever knows unless I tell them though,I've learned to hide it that well. Some mornings I don't want to get out of bed, I just want to lie there and sleep, but I don't if I did who would take care of everything. I'm not superwoman, I'm not even supermom, I am not an angel, not a sweetheart, I'm not an entertainment coordinator, and sometimes I'm not even a very good wife. Somedays I just want to let the phone ring, let the answering system get it, use the 'do not disturb' button so i don't have to hear it nagging that there are messages. Somedays I just want to slip on my headphones, and ignore the world and all it's demands, to slip into my own world, where I am special and cherished, and important just because I'm nice to be around, not because I am there for everyone else; a place where no one ask me to solve any problems, where no one excpects me to have the answers. Some days, I just want to be selfish.

Disclaimer

I'm not perfect, no angel here. I try to be a good friend and family member and all of that, but this is my place. Here I won't pretend, won't be good and dutiful, and I may even say some things that would hurt feelings, or offend. If your my friend or a member of my family, and you can't handle it then please leave this place. Walk out the virtual door and read no more from this place. What I write here is not meant for offense, or to hurt, but because in my imperfection I need to have a place to vent my feelings, and sometimes they are not nice. My actions do not always match my emotions, I am on the outside a kind, compassionate, rational, Lady; while on the inside alot of times I just feel bitchy, and selfish, and sometimes cruel. This is my place for that, for the side I try not to show, for the side no one likes, but that is always there beneath the surface layer that if not given vent to somewhere safe eventually comes out in the worst possible moment. So like I said, if you can't manage to not take this personal, if you just want to know how I'm doiing, and here all the good stuff I have to say, please leave.